三十歲。從(新)開始!

A declaration has been made

I've given myself enough of time and chances. There is no more after this. So, prove to the others** that they are wrong! And more importantly, prove to yourself that you are right!

to be continued...

What is a 'birthday' to you?

Birthday is about caring

Birthday is about sharing

Birthday is about blessing

Birthday is about cheering

Birthday is about forgiving

Birthday is about celebrating

Birthday is about thanksgiving

Birthday is about remembering

I truely felt the warmth of sharing during my 25th anniversary. Thanks to all of you who remembered me on that day. (Oh, no! I can't believe i'm 25 now. No!!!)

月记(1)

2010年7月
短暂而充实和快乐假期一眨眼就闪过了,新学期也紧接着来。这个学期跟以往的更加不一样,ptptn没有了,自己要兼职打工赚取零用钱,靠自己!熟悉的面孔更少了,留在UKM的朋友越来越少了,喝茶次数变少了。。。

2010年8月
不知不觉,我一工作了一个月。领到第一份薪水时,其实没有特别开心。我很想做很多东西,但我有的能力还有限,(现在只能养自己)*。还记得有不少的朋友毕了业出来打工后,回来找我还请我吃饭,我当然不会忘记你们!有机会的话,一定会请你们吃一餐。

2010年9月
Design 好像离我越来越远了。。。当初的那股热忱,随着时间的流逝而淡化。也许是我太长时间呆在这里了。一眨眼,在大学的日子已经迈入第六年了!上个学期,放弃学业而选择活动,现在就知苦了 T.T。设计放在一旁久了之后,好像都不当一回事了。等到交功课的日期靠近了,才来赶东赶西的。这是才发现,这个没有,那个没有。要再次启动阁下三个月的久引擎,实在够力难啊!哎。。。现在真的好痛苦啊!我要毕业,我要毕业!

Archustic and I - Part 2: We call it Archustic!

Part 2: We call it Archustic!

2009 was a fruitful year for me. I joined New Tune Live Performance on 4th year 2nd sem (the semester i did my highrise, which i got the chance to be at the rooftop of Menara Dayabumi. Opps... lari topik sekejap, hehe...) and 30th UKM Pesta Tanglung(where i performed on stage as a dancer, haha...) on 5th year 1st sem (where i rode my 11 year old motorbike to Sungai Buloh, haha. It may be nothing special to you but i am proud of it).

Back to archustic, or 'workshop' i called it that time. I was assigned the post of Head of Protocol. I noticed a trend in JSB, i.e. a person who holds a particular post in his JSB activity like Festsena will be assigned the same post from there on, and i have no exception. Actually, i was not the head at first, i was supposed to be the advisor to the head, which is my junior. But after all the bla bla bla... I ended up in this situation.

We had 1 year for preparation. 1 year ago, i have no idea how long is one year for archustic, but now i can say, it is more than enough(or just nice i guess some may say, but definitely not too short ). Meetings and discussions were the boring part during preparation, and i hate conflicts, which are very annoying to me but i know they are inevitable.

Worrying about the number of manpower we had, we had made a 'smart' move of engaging 2 co-hosts. Yes, i put the word smart in inverted comma because i was one of them who objected having 2 co-hosts. You may think "a problem shared is a problem halved" but i would say "more people, more problems". Haha... yes, i still hold that principle.

Anyway, we still go for majority (is it a majority decision that time?? mm...haha). We meet representatives from Taylor's and Twintech. First impression, Twintech: 'friendly', 'easy-going', 'a bit passive in contributing ideas'; Taylor's: 'Wow!', 'very active in discussion', 'will it be a problem later on?'. Haha...

Logistic was never easy to gather 3 schools in one place. It was costly and time-consuming to hold a 3-school meeting, but things got to move on. Finally we agreed on the theme, 'Archustic'.

Asics Onitsuka Tiger - My dream shoes


Asics Onitsuka Tiger - Mexico 66

Archustic and I - Part 1: Count me in!

Finally, Archustic ended in rounds of applause...... Congratulations to all the Archustic members!
[flash back...]

Part 1: Count me in!

To be frank, I started the journey of Archustic with doubts. I doubted about my ability, my juniors' capabilities. I doubted about the leader's leadership. I doubted about the commitment offered by co-hosts. But i did keep a dream with me, that is to do something special for my very last year in UKM as an architecture student.

Starting from 1st year, i have been enjoying joining/organizing all sorts of programs and activities. Camping, community service, dancing, singing... i fill my student life with colours other than design and architecture. Many don't understand me why i spent so much time out of studio. Me, on the other hand, don't understand why they spend so much time in the studio. Haha...

I still remember the day i received Beh's sms asking for my vote for UKM organizing the next workshop. I replied a 'NO' with no hesitation. But why am i in the team after all? Seriously, i was touched by the spirit shown by my juniors who were just coming back from the previous workshop - Rumi. They showed great interests in organizing the next workshop. I could see people giving promises that they are going to this and that. Well, i was still skeptical about the spirit shown. Anyway, i did see quite a number of them that are really anticipating for UKM organizing the upcoming workshop. So, i tell Beh, "I've changed my mind, count me in!"

没那么简单 Not that easy

True happiness lies in your perseverance, the thing that you always insisted on

原来放弃没有想象中简单。‘放弃’,说的容易,但更需要勇气!当你已经做头无路时,眼前只见黄河。这个时候,你才发现,你一直最想要的东西,还没实现,该怎么办?人是不是非要等到临死关头了,才来悔过当初,才会看清楚自己最想要的是什么?



我问自己:“这么做到底是对还是错?”
我回答说:“我不知道。。。怎么办?怎么办! 碰墙了,这次真的碰墙了!”


这段日子,我常常跟自己对话,自问自答。有时候觉得这样不太好,就把问题与答案写在部落格里。哈哈,你们催我update blog. 其实,我已写了些东西,只是没勇气把他们都放上来。很再看回去,发现全都是自己内心的挣扎。

说真的,我想很多,很多。很多时候,我很贪心。我把不同的问题,大的小的,友情亲情,金钱功课。。。对在一起想。结果就是,什么solution都没有!

算了,我很累了,not physically but mentally and spiritually. 所以我开始逃避问题,寻找短暂的快乐。‘我要快乐,我要快乐!’ 短暂的快乐,毕竟还是暂时性的。第二天早上睁开眼睛,现实还是赤裸摆在你眼前,躲不过。


I see my path, but I don't know where it leads. Not knowing where I am going is what inspires me to travel it.

最后,我选择了面对现实,我选择了暂停design thesis。也许你会觉得我很懦弱,在最后的关键时刻认输了,但我没有放弃!再尝试放弃的过程里,我才看到我真正要的是什么。是是非非,你的好坏,我都不想去管了。我想好好休息,用另一个角度去看自己多年以来忙碌(盲目)追求的梦想。I'm not sure what i'm doing now is correct or not, but i see my path that leads to nowhere. Not knowing where i'm going is what inspires me to travel it.



Thanks to those keep motivating me when i'm down, you know who you are. I really thank you for the advises, sms, facebook comments and for the off-pitch singing, haha... I'm not giving up. It's simply because i need more time to complete the journey. Good luck to you that are still fighting, keep it up!

Quick glance of my recent life...

1. It has been more than a month since my last entry. Am i too busy for updating my blog? Or Facebook just simply taking over the role of online sharing from blogging? Or i simply didn't have anything special to share? haha...

2. When there is a will, there is a way! Yes, when you are determined, you will find all the ways to the destination you want no matter rainny or sunny. But what happens when you lose your will?

3. I have moved my workstation to Juniperus(my design studio in UKM). So i travel everyday from my rented house at Hentian Kajang to school. It is tiring and costly. Anyway, the best place to do design is still studio.

4. 'There are things that you can forgive but you can't forget.' i saw this comment in out of my fren's FB profile. I just couldn't agree with it more. They said 'time is the best remedy to forget a thing'. Now i hope time can move faster and faster...

5. After working in Circle Cafe (or more precisely, Circle Restaurant and Pub, a lifestyle cafe) for more than 2 months, it comes to an end as the cafe has to quit operating due to ...(i don't have to include the details here, haha...). So, my part-time singing at the cafe also stop. It was the first cafe where i have been working as part-time cafe singer. Thanks to the cafe boss, Vaughn for his courage to give us the opportunity to perform there. I hope the poor business is not because of our poor performance, hehe... Anyway, i did learn a lot of things there. The experience i earned there is precious.

6. After resting(not singing) for 2 week, Sam and I decided to perform at Meru Station One as we got the offer from an agent. The PA system there is... just horrible. Now only i realize how good the PA system in Circle was. Anyway, it was a lesson and experience for us too. Now we have to learn to be more independent. From instrument set-up to the audience control and songs request, we have to handle all them with 'smart'. There are more other places to come.

I'm sick...

Woke up 9am in the morning, feeling a bit different as usual. Ohhh... body pain! I felt dizzy and powerless. "Shit! I think i'm sick". And yes, i was sick. the 2 following days was terrible. What i did was nothing but sleeping and taking medication(not to count the occasional fbook session, hehe).

When i was sick, i lay on my bed, i thought a lot. How lucky i am if my Mum is by by side when i'm sick? How lucky i am if i have someone who care about me by my side when i'm weak? How good it is if someone can prepare my meals and medications? How good it is if someone can send me to clinic? How this and that...

I recalled at a time during my 1st year, when i was sick, and i mean a serious one(i can't walk down from my bed for the 1st day), my dearest roomate wash my laundry, my paras mates borrowed a car and send me to clinic, my direct senior bought me medicines and porridge... i was so lucky to have them by my side. Now i'm all on my own. And i should be on my own in fact. I should be able to be independent and take care of myself.

Chinese New Year is just a few days away from now. Let this suffer mark the end of bad luck of Ox Year. Welcome my best of luck in Tiger Year! Happy Chinese New Year.

I hate Thursday!

Woke up 6 in the morning, one hour later than that set in my alarms of 2 handphones. Arrhhh... i hate Thursday. I supposed to show my design today but my procrastination(i wonder is there a cure for it?) had brought into trouble now! I remember he said: "don't turn up for crit if you don't have space planning and building forms!" Oh...

Take a look at the weekly schedule... omg! I will be entering the 6th week of this sem next week. 5 weeks have been wasted. And i just can't get my works done.

Oh what am i doing here? What am i writing here? Is this a confession? Hey, you better listen, go get your works done, stop procrastinating!

末路 End of the Journey

拥挤街道 你你我同路
你的身影 我却看不清楚
过得好不好 有没有人照顾
还有没有人 熬夜听你说诉

只可惜
故事未完成 我们却走到末路
我们的爱像少了一块的拼图
怎么拼 也拼不出爱

走投无路
我们背驰各自的道路
爱停在没有续路的末路
天黑以后 我们还是迷了路















p/s: this is a lyric i tried during NewTune Music Camp. Post it here, it's incomplete anyway.

阿尔奇特者

阿尔奇特者
是一位洋人
他叫 阿尔 姓 奇特者

阿尔奇特者
即奇怪 有特别

奇怪的是
他千变万化

特别的是
他包罗万象

阿尔奇特者
她让你同时间爱她
也很他

你越想抱紧她
他就越想溜走
当你不在乎的时候
他其实就在你身边

找不到平衡点的话
你会走火入魔

阿尔奇特者
我越是了解你
我越是恨你
我越是爱你